feeling moody

really love this old song.. manage to listen to this once again from the blog of raiin.. not feeling really that good.. not sure what's wrong with the mind of mine tonight.. perhaps it was the music.. kept listening to the music and i felt lonely and depressed but i like it.. kinda weird.. well it is only 71 more days before i reach back to singapore.. i'm gonna feel weird when i reach back there.. same like coming back from newyork city and felt nothing was in tact.. nothing.. perhaps.. everyday playing computer games.. not sure i take it as socializing with my good friends or i am just too bored... guess it has many reasons to it.. kept thinking when would i cry again.. i think it's rather good to cry.. makes you feel better.. but i don cry easily.. didn't cry since sec2 till now except my grandfather's funeral.. really forgotten how to speak hainanese.. praying every night for him to appear in my dream.. a few friends of mine know that my greatest regret was didn't treat my grandfather good enough although i treated him the best.. but it wasn't enough.. but i think he is quite happy with his life now.. because he didn't give his grandson a dream.. well, everyone has to leave this world one day.. it's not the matter of time but it's the excitement in life.. am i having this excitement now? i don think so.. and i am going to make that change.. before i leave singapore for my university hopefully, i am going to get a bike with huang and chris and enjoy this very life..before entering the final society.. yes my parents would be worried but i don wan to live this life like this.. study work family and late life watching tv.. perhaps some ppl do find this as happiness. well, i'm happy for them.. to think my sister doesn't even support me getting a bike.. but i think my brother does support.. are you guys surprised? becoz he does wan to get one for himself.. haha.. many ppl say my brother is a nerd.. but i don see him studying much last time.. he is a genius i think.. he spends time watching all the english serial dramas.. gosh.. he always ask me to watch but i didn't.. gosh i prefer hongkong tvb serial drama. haha.. now that he has to be at tokyo for 4-5 years.. for those who doesn't know.. my brother has 9 A1 and 1 A2 for his O level.. L1R5 2 points and i am proud of him.. because my aunties of mine kept comparing the results and my brother shut their mouths up.. irritating.. well. not feeling kinda good now.. if my best friends sees this.. pls.. you guys have changed alot although you guys don't know it yourself.. so do i.. i changed but i didn't realise it.. what have we done that are different from other guys? you guys know it best.. firstly we aren't beng, 2ndly we aren't good guys too.. is this kind of socializing? no it isn't.. kept saying who will go hell first.. all of us.. how old are we only and we start acting like we are adults.. yes we are now.. basically we don treat old ppl rude but we treat the society badly and ourselves.. we ain't making any improvement and we are going out to the society soon.. damn.. out of you guys.. i was always better with zhixing but after the US trip we became like strangers.. i'm sorry zhixing... i'm trying my best.. but i still treat u like a best fren.. perhaps i came to taiwan and all the shit is happening.. flashing my mind back into the past and tot of xuanzhong.. would you be like him? i know zhixing treats me like a good fren.. when i was in sec1 or sec2, the fatty ask me join 18siao.. and i said ok.. wtf? but zhixing walked to him and tell him not to pull me over.. i think is because that day had a fight going on.. well i would have regretted if i joined a gang.. my dearest parents pls listen to wat i wan to say because i know u are going to read this.. i'm not joining any gang or making any tattoo.. but i wan a life that is full of colours, a life of mine although you both gave it to me... anyway i completely didn't chat with xuanzhong since sec 3.. i dunno wat happen that time.. after i split with him from the same class.. or is it becoz you guys changed me into your group and i do not have any common interest with him? 5 best frens of mine... only benedict is in my sec1 class and onwards none was in the same class with me till sec4.. but how the hell did we manage to get together.. benedict keep his love affairs to himself.. chris acts mysterious and tries to make us wanting to find out but i know his tactic and i don bother and the other 2 ppl i chat whole-heartedly to are zhixing and huang.. as for weiluo i treat him like the rest but i do not really know him well because he doesn't talk.. mr jay zhou.. i know my weakness now.. and it's thinking too much.. making all the things seem to be so complicated.. well.. that's me.. and my father almost every night tell me kind of lame jokes. gosh.. i cant take it.. entertaining him as well as myself.. think he doesn't have anything better to do.. or is he trying to communicate with me? anyway when i reach back to singapore.. huang is in army and i got 4 days to spend with my family and friends before i leave to hongkong with my sister.. well.. i love travelling.. hard to reject it when my sister spon my tickets and my father spon my expenses.. what will happen to me next time? i cannot imagine myself in the future.. but i'm lazy.. it's a nature sign in me.. sad to say that.. but i try my best not to be lazy when i could.. but i take things really seriously when i think it's important.. when i'm back not sure if there's a 6th chalet for our group.. pondering.. everytime chalet buai sian meh? actually wun.. well well.. i guess i really typed alot.. tata..zz